Web Life Forum - The FBI and the Pizza Guy

betrdanevr

07-25-04, 04:07 AM

>FBI agents recently conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. Te agent in cahrge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI since they were recording all conversations at the hospital.
>
>AGENT: Hello, I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
>
>PIZZA MAN: And where would you like them delivered?
>
>AGENT: We're over here at the psychiatric hospital.
>
>PIZZA MAN: The psychiatric hospital?
>
>AGENT:That's right. I'm an FBI Agent.
>
>PIZZA MAN:You're an FBI Agent?
>
>AGENT: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
>
>PIZZA MAN: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
>
>AGENT: That's correct. And make sure you don't go thru the front doors. We have them locked. You will ahve to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
>
>PIZZA MAN: And you say you're all FBI Agents?
>
>AGENT: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
>
>PIZZA MAN: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI Agent?
>
>AGENT: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
>
>PIZZA MAN: How will you be paying for this?
>
>AGENT: I've got my checkbook right here.
>
>PIZZA MAN: And you're all FBI Agents?
>
>AGENT: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI Agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
>
>PIZZA MAN: I don't think so.
>
>
>CLICK

awty

07-25-04, 06:12 AM

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this plane..."

After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking your for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National. A lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.

WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee......."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.

If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your own mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child......pick your favorite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to auto-pilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area.

Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one of the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...

Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight......!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City:

The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you is wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants fault........it was the asphalt!"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxi's what's left of your airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"