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Idle Thoughts

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Posted by: forwardone

Quote:
Idle Thoughts

- I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

- I had amnesia once -- or twice.

- I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

- Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

- All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

- What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

- They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

- Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

- One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

- How can there be self-help "groups"?

- Is there another word for synonym?

- Is it possible to be totally partial?

- Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

- Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

- Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
Geoff


Posted by: betrdanevr

Those are great!!



Quote:
- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales
?


Posted by: jojomataketa

Remember the movie, 'Two weddings and a funeral?'...
Now watch part 2: 'TWO FUNERALS AND A WEDDING!'


P.S:
Considering the circumstances, perhaps the bride and groom should wear black for the wedding?


Posted by: jojomataketa

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?.


A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.


A scientist crossed a skunk with an owl. He's got a bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot..


Name ten animals from Africa. Nine elephants and a giraffe.


Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.


Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.


Man who drive like hell bound to get there.


Do step ladders have real parents?


Can I have a return ticket please. Certainly, where to? Back here, ofcourse!.


The thief stole a calendar. He got 12 months.

how do you keep a mongole busy? read below.
how do you keep a mongole busy? read above.


mental anxiety,
mental breakdowns,
menstrual cramps,
menopause... Did you notice how all womans problems begin with MEN!

If you really wanna get stoned, drink wet cement.


What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!

Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Be yourself....there are enough other people.



Posted by: forwardone

A Question of Logic
Some English people can't understand why you find English difficult.
But if you ask them to explain something, they don't know how!
Here are some interesting questions to ask an English person to answer:

- If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

- If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Does he make you broke?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the rush hour?

- If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

- Why is it called a building when it is already built?

- If vegetarians eat vegetables, do humanitarians eat humans?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Quote:
Here are some interesting questions to ask an English person to answer
I don`t have a clue!

Geoff


Posted by: forwardone

Quote:
Deja Vu

You've probably heard of "deja vu", the illusion of having previously experienced a situation that is happening now. Here are some related expressions.

Feel like I've...

...milked this cow before: deja moo

...seen this strange animal before: deja gnu

...smelled this bad odor before: deja phew

...visited this menagerie before: deja zoo

...scared this person away before: deja boo

...read this mystery book before: deja clue

...been in this courtroom before: deja sue

...felt this bad before: deja rue

...felt this sad before: deja blue

...expanded this way before: deja grew

...seen this slime before: deja goo

...learned this stuff before: deja knew

...waited in line before: deja queue

...eaten this dinner before: deja stew

...pursued this person before: deja woo

...forgotten this your name before: deja who

...had this feeling of deja vu before: deja too

...seen these twins before: deja two

...used this beer recipe before: deja brew

...been on this airplane before: deja flew

...came up with this innovation before: deja new

...fed these pigeons before: deja coo

...sketched this portrait before: deja drew

...ended this relationship before: deja through

...felt this ill before: deja flu

...sheared this sheep before: deja ewe

...munched on this gum ball before: deja chew

...sat through this sermon before: deja pew

...played in this wet grass before: deja dew

...admired this scenery before: deja ooo

...lost it under the bed before: deja shoo

...exposed the real facts before: deja true

Geoff



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