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The Perks of Being Over 50 -- Kidnappers are not very interested in you. -- In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. -- No one expects you to run into a burning building. -- People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" -- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. -- There is nothing left to learn the hard way. -- Things you buy now won't wear out. -- You can eat dinner at 4 PM. -- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. -- You get into heated arguments about pension plans. -- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. -- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. -- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. -- You sing along with the elevator music. -- Your eyes won't get much worse. -- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. -- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. -- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. -- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. |