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Love The Irish

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Posted by: Hardlyworkin

There was an Irishman who had at least 4-5 drinks of whiskey


every day of his adult life. When he died, they cremated him,


and it took two days to put out the fire..!


~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar..


~~~~~~~~~~~~


What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral..??
One less drunk.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Soon after marriage, Mrs. O'malley's husband stopped wearing his wedding
ring.


She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band anymore Paddy.?"
He replied, "It cuts off me circulation."
She answered back, "It's supposed to..!!"


~~~~~~~~~~~


Two Irishman were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his
barstool


and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about Ol Paddy,"


his buddy said to the bartender, "He knows when to stop.."


~~~~~~~~~~


Two old Irish buddies were sitting at the local pub drinking a few
beers..
So Tommy says to Danny, "Danny me buddy ol' pal.
When I die could you pour a couple of pints o'er me grave?"
Danny says, "Why certainly, but could I pour it through me kidney's
first..??


Posted by: forwardone

And a few more.
Quote:

1.

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "where were you?".

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; "look son, look what I'm after making". Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "what is it?" God replied, "it's another planet but I'm after putting LIFE on it. I've named it Earth and there's going to be a balance between everything on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and south America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - that's going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. I've put a continent of whites in the north and another one of blacks in the south. And then the archangel said, "and what's that green dot there?". And God said "ahhh that's the Emerald Isle - that's a very special place. That's going to be the most glorious spot on earth; Beautiful Mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite coast line. These people here are going to be great craic and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be playwrights and poets and singers and songwriters. And I'm going to give them this black liquid which they're going to go mad on and for which people will come from the far corners of the earth to imbibe. Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration but then seeming startled proclaimed: "Hold on a second, what about the BALANCE, you said there was going to be a balance.. God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the neighbours I'm going to give them"

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2.

Irish Mastermind Champion

Seamus O Brien had been hailed the most intelligent Irish man for three years running. He had topped such shows as Larry Gogans 'Just a Minute Quiz' and 'Quicksilver' (before Bunny Carrs demise). It was suggested by the Irish Mensa board that he should enter into the English Mastermind Championships. He Did, and won a place. On they evening of the competition, Seamus enters from the crowd and placed himself on the Leather Seat and made himself comfortable. The lights dimmed and a spot light pointed at his face.

Magnus said "Seamus, What Subject are you studying?." Seamus responded, "Irish History". Very well said Magnus, Your first Question,

"In what year did the 'Easter Rising take Place?'

Seamus responds .."Pass"

OK said Magnus, "Who was the Leader of the Easter Rising?",

Seamus Responds .."Pass"

OK said Magnus, How long did the Easter Rising Last?"

Seamus Responds.. "Pass"

Instantly, a voice shout from the Crowd, "Good Man Seamus....Tell the English Nothing...."

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3.

Q. What is Irish diplomacy?
A. It's the ability to tell a man to go to hell.
So that he will look forward to making the trip!

Geoff



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